


just let me stay here by your side (that would be enough)

by explodingsnapple



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, tw miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 00:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18419261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explodingsnapple/pseuds/explodingsnapple
Summary: It's Amy's first day back at work after a two-week break, and an offhand comment affects her more than (she thinks) it should.





	just let me stay here by your side (that would be enough)

**Author's Note:**

> In case you didn't see the tags, there is a content/trigger warning for miscarriage on this.

Amy’s stomach has been churning since breakfast, and for the past hour, she’s been unable to focus on her Sargeant paperwork because of the periodic pain shooting up her spine. She knows  _for sure_  that it’s not PMS (Gina, who had popped in for a visit, offered her some Advil if it was, which she refused; unfortunately, Charles overheard the entire conversation). She tries everything – sitting differently, drinking water, yoga – but nothing helps. The final straw comes when Charles shows up downstairs with an extremely tangy-smelling couscous salad. Amy can’t help it; as soon as he offers her some and leaves the plate on her desk, she gets up and bolts to the bathroom. Of _course_ the one on her floor is out-of-order, so she literally shoves other officers out of the way as she runs upstairs.

When she finally emerges into the detective’s bullpen, feeling weaker but slightly better, Boyle calls out, “Amy! If you’re not ovulating, then did Jake finally put a baby in you?” His words, although a fairly common utterance for him, make her stop dead in her tracks. Suddenly, everything she successfully managed to bury (or at least hide under-the-surface) for the past two weeks comes bubbling back up. Her vision goes blurry, and for a few seconds, she feels like she might be sick again. By the time she snaps out of it, the entire bullpen is staring at her.

Struggling to maintain her composure, she snaps back, “That’s actually a really rude thing to ask; haven’t you realized that neither Jake or I have actually liked it when you say things like that? Maybe stop making comments on my body and instead, work on being a better detective.” Still slightly nauseous, and now in no mood to go back to work, she proceeds to collapse in Jake’s (vacant) chair and rest her head on his desk. Her phone buzzes with a new message:  **Hey Ames. hope your first day back is going well. had to step out into the field for about an hour, but if you need ANYTHING call me. i love you.**  She places the phone inside one of the drawers, neglecting to reply to his text, and closes her eyes, hoping to relieve the headache pounding in her brain.

Suddenly, she hears a chair roll up near hers and feels someone’s hand slowly and comfortingly rubbing circles on her back. After a few seconds, Amy relaxes and opens her eyes, and Rosa’s dark ones meet hers. The other woman leans down so her face is at the same level as Amy’s, and whispers, “I heard what happened with Boyle. Are you sure you’re ok? Do you want to take the rest of the day off? Should I punch him?” Amy shakes her head, and slowly sits up to face the rest of the bullpen.

Immediately, Charles says, “Amy, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful or rude or anything, I swear. I legitimately thought you saw it as a joke.”

Amy offers him a watery smile. “Just––maybe lay off the comments for a while,” she says. Turning to Rosa, she asks, “Do you think you can text my husband for me? If he can’t get here right now, it’s fine, but just tell him that I asked.”

Rosa nods stiffly. “He’ll be here soon, I’ll make sure of it,” she promises.

Amy nods and walks, as calmly as she can manage, over to the break-room. Once there, she curls up as tightly as she can in a corner of the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest. For the second time that day, she’s surprised when Rosa follows her in. This time though, Rosa doesn’t say anything, but just wraps her in a hug. Feeling completely drained, emotionally and physically, this simple gesture of kindness causes Amy to break down into Rosa’s shoulder. Rosa strokes her hair, whispering, “it’s okay, let it all out.”

When the tears (finally) stop, Amy looks up at her. “I never thanked you for coming over that night. You didn’t have to, but you were really supportive and consoling then, and now too. I know all this emotional stuff isn’t really your cup of tea, so thanks for just being there. And I’m sorry I got your favorite leather jacket all wet,” Amy tells her, rambling. Rosa smiles softly.

“Don’t apologize. And I didn’t mind, at all, really. I’m glad I could be there. Don’t worry about it.”

At that moment, Jake comes bursting into the room, his hair disheveled, his badge askew, and panting like he’d just run a marathon. “What happened?” he asks. When he sees Amy’s puffy eyes, he immediately sits next to her and takes her hand in his. “Ames, is everything okay? Are  _you_ okay?”

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Rosa interjects, patting Amy’s shoulder and nodding at Jake on her way out. As soon as the door closes, Amy sits up and pushes the hair out of her face. She turns sideways with her legs folded so she’s facing her husband. Again, he threads his fingers through hers and looks at her worriedly.

“I’m alright now,” she says, finally. “Those eggs from this morning didn’t sit well in my stomach, and um…Charles noticed and made a comment about me being pregnant–”

Jake’s eyes flash angrily at that, and Amy continues hurriedly, “It’s just typical Boyle, babe, he didn’t know. But I kind of spiraled after that, which lead to me bawling in here.”

“I should have been here. It’s your first day back at work; I shouldn’t have taken on that case. I could have come up with an excuse for Terry, or just gone to Holt, they would’ve understood.” Jake shakes his head, his right thumb anxiously running over the wedding band on her finger.

Amy reaches up, her hand cupping his cheek, and says, “Hey, don’t do that. You know what the nurse said; things like this are going to happen from time to time. And I wasn’t here all of last week, but you managed okay. Besides, even if you’re not, or if I’m not, our friends  _will_  be here for either of us.”

Jake nods quietly, but Amy can tell he’s thinking deeply about something else. She’s pretty sure what it is; it’s something she’s been thinking about too.

She breaks the silence first. “I know that we agreed not to tell people what happened, but, um, do you think we could? We don’t owe them an explanation, or anything, but they all saw me just now, and I don’t want to worry them. Plus, in case Rosa isn’t around one day, and something happens, or––” She’s babbling now, waiting for Jake to say something.

Thankfully, Jake nods in agreement. “Yeah, we should. I mean, Holt and Rosa already know, because she was there and he gave us that time off, but yeah.”

When they emerge from the break-room, the bullpen falls quiet as the door slams behind them. Amy’s heart starts thudding in her chest –  _they’re all staring at me_ , she realizes,  _waiting for me to speak_ . Every reason they’d come up with for  _not_  telling people comes flooding back to her. She’s ready to turn around and retreat when Jake gives her hand a reassuring squeeze, and she stands up a little bit straighter.

“Hey guys, Jake and I have something to–” She pauses and looks around, before asking – “hey, where are Hitchcock and Scully?”

The two men, apparently, disappeared earlier that day, and since their paperwork was done, no one seemed to care where they went.

“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. They’re not exactly the most sensitive people,” Jake leans down to whisper to her, and Amy nods. Turning to everyone else, Jake asks them to meet in the briefing room for a quick meeting.

She and Jake are standing at the front of the room like they’re about to give a case presentation, and Amy feels every pair of eyes watching her once everyone’s assembled at the tables in front of them.  _This feels so wrong_ , She thinks.  _It’s not some grand announcement. We’re not presenting a huge thing._ Only Charles, Terry, Rosa, and Holt are there, not the entire precinct, but even then, the whole setup makes Amy uneasy.

Jake seems to feel the same discomfort, because he immediately pulls out a chair and sits down, and gestures for Amy to do the same. Everyone else shifts so that the six cops are arranged in a small circle in the middle of the room. “So,” Jake begins, but he trails off.

“This is not a conversation we wanted or were expecting to have,” Amy starts, “but after what happened today, we just wanted to let you guys know what’s been going on with us.” She takes a breath, then proceeds, “about a month ago, Jake and I found out we were expecting.”

She pauses again, this time searching for the correct words. Knowing what was to come already, Holt and Rosa give her nods of encouragement, and she continues, “Unfortunately, um, two weeks ago, I started showing symptoms of a miscarriage early in the morning.” Amy’s voice breaks. It wasn’t the first time she said the words out loud, but the gravity of them hits hard anyway. She starts to rub her eyes involuntarily, so Jake takes over.

“That was the day I got back from that drug-ring stakeout where I caught the flu, and I was a little feverish and really tired. Ames didn’t want to wake me up for a false-alarm, so she called Diaz, who immediately came over and realized what was happening.” Jake glances in Rosa’s direction – Amy had called Rosa as soon as the cramps became debilitating, but he only woke up fifteen minutes later to her scream; by the time he got to the bathroom, Rosa had already called an ambulance, and the fact he didn’t notice anything amiss earlier in the night still causes him a huge amount of guilt. “By that time, I was awake too, and and we went to the hospital, where it was confirmed that this was a miscarriage.”

Amy reaches over and takes his hand, and she continues, “Anyway, um, that’s why he was on leave for a week and I’ve been on leave ’till today.” Looking at Charles, she says, “and that’s why I reacted like I did this afternoon. It’s just been…really, really emotionally and physically draining on us, and we haven’t quite processed it completely.”

“And it’s likely that we won’t ever, y’know,” Jake adds. “But we wanted to tell you what’s been going on, because you guys have always been there for us, and we really appreciate it.”

“I’m just glad my two best detectives are doing okay, given the circumstances,” Holt says. Jake had called him from the hospital and asked for a few days off, but Holt had insisted that they take as much time as they needed to recuperate, no questions asked.

“If you guys need anything, anything at all, Sharon and I are there for you,” Terry adds. Charles and Rosa both nod in agreement with him.

Despite the situation, Jake and Amy share a small smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song "It's Quiet Uptown."  
> Thank you guys so much for reading, I’m on tumblr as exploding-snapple as well if you want to talk/send prompts/etc.


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